condom

i'll be sure that once you read the title, you will smile. Dirty mind. After reading this you'll understand why i put that as the title. Actually there's a relevance.

In our daily lives, there are people that we trust a lot. Bestfriends, significant others, friends, anybody. We share them stories of our experiences because we trust them that they will keep it for them only and not to disseminate it to the world. But if trust is broken down into pieces because of something done that is not that pleasing to someone, it is so hard to gather and bring it back again. Maybe trust can be brought back after the damage done, but it is not that solid compared before. There is one effective way to keep the trust alive, simply "Be true all the time and don't lie". How bout in bringing back the trust that is once damaged? simply, just show them that you can still be trusted. How? Learn from mistakes you have done before. One quote in my inbox says like this:

"trust is a better compliment than 'iloveyou' coz you may not always trust the one you love, but believe me, you can love the person you trust for the rest of your life"

now going back to the condom stuff... how is it related to trust.. First, there is a brand of condom with a name "Trust"(hehehe) ... Second, now I realized why condoms that are elastic but it is so hard to break. Once the condom was broken during intercourse, unexpected consequences will follow. Got the point..

-jhezec05

miles away

I'm stuck here inside my room for this day. I'm just sitting in front of my computer doing random stuffs in the Web while having a sip o a cup of coffee besides me. Facebooking, chatting with friends, reading something in the internet, exploring oDesk(kewl), blogging, watching videos, listening to music, and anything that opens in my browser. Some say that this kind of life is kinda boring but for me its not. It feels good to be on my room doing things that i usually do when there's no reason to move and go out. Maybe others will say that I'm just emotional by this moment I'm doing these entry. But it's not. There's no reason to be an emo right now, and that kind of lifestyle don't have a room in me anymore. I'm just missing my other half who is miles away from me right now and I don't see any reason for going out today because of that. I'm just enjoying every minute of me today with my laptop and a cup of coffee, 'coz i know she's also happy with her family and spending time with them after a long time that they're apart from each other. I'll just wait for the time that we'll see each other again and give her my warm hug and made my presence and love be felt by her.

As what other's are saying in Tagalog, "nakakatamad ang walang ginagawa", which is right for me. And what my friend told me a while ago, "ang boring ng lifestyle mu ngaun" made me say something like this.. "It may sounds boring for you, but I'm enjoying every moment of it.. *wink*". Point out here... Still craving for cup"s" of coffee... hehehehe

-jhezec05-

coffee experience

its been a long time since the last time i visited my blogger account... i went to a state where i adjusted myself from the new world that i entered months ago. A world that is a lot different from what i have before... Somewhere along the line where i found happiness in life since the day that i met this lady.. Someone who told me that life's easy and we must enjoy it... honestly it was difficult for me at first to adjust... but as the time goes by when we are together, sharing stories and laughters with a cup of coffee, she made me feel somehow that i belong to the world where she's standing. As we go on with our lives together, she lifted me up to the next level of my existence and i enjoyed every single minute of my life with her. During these times, all my sad faces and depression states are changed into a face full of smiles and hopes that tomorrow when my eyes open from a long sleep, i will see something that will made me smile and bear that for the whole day... Someone who told me many things in life that i never encountered way back before. Someone who taught me a lot of things... Someone taught me and made me feel what "true love" is...

We may have a lot of differences but it doesnt matter with me right now.. What matters most is that we can live life together with these differences.. It may be difficult but believe me, it's possible... What makes it possible? the answer is simple.. It a 4-letter word that every person lives with... Its "LOVE"...

out for now... missing her... -05-

"yes" and "no"

I wnt to smile but negative forces surrounds me everytime that person who i value the most is on background. I wnt to be a better person when she's around for her to feel comfortable with my company. I miss those times that we are together before, sharing something running thru our heads, sharing laughters that our face could give. Those stuffs turned into dusts in just one click, because of a word that came off from my mouth. The word that changed everything around us. The word that expresses what i really feel inside. A word that must please everyone turns out to be the word that betrayed me. Because of that word, i may lose the one that is so precious to me in just a snap of my fingers. The word that can make my life incomplete by erasing this experience of meeting someone like her that made me say "this is it" in my lifester's bloglist.

I'm ready to be hurt....again... for the nth time... but this time i'm sure it will mark on my memory the day that she entered my life.

-insekta-

seeing you for a while makes me smile

its been a good and bad morning... ill go with the bad ones first... im so tired to get up in my bed this morning because my body's aching because of the workout done in our cheering practice last night. I also had a slight headache... because we drunk with my friends last night and i already got home about 2 in the morning. When i got home, i didn't sleep yet... but instead opened my laptop and surf the net for some minutes until the time i feel so sleepy and left my laptop running beside me sleeping. Now done with the bad ones, its now the turn for the "good" ones... what made me feel so good this morning despite of having achy mind and body? hmmm first is when my mom buzzed me and have some little conversations with her... i missed my mom because when i left home last week, she also went out and went to her province for the burial of my great grandmother *sad*... hmmm after a little conversations with her, she bid her goodbye to me because she had a lot of things to do in the office. After that, i've seen "her" online in my messenger. Thankz to her she gave me a chance to talk to her for quite some time.. hmmm it gves me a different kind of happiness... happiness that covers the pain i'm feeling this past days... i feel that it will not last... oh well that's for now... hmmm need to fix myself first for this day's activities... gudmorning...

-insekta-

never saw myself in someone's eyes... until this day with you

Until This Day - Kenotia

When you know, you know. I know with you I'm going to go somewhere I've never been.
But it's where I want to be, I breathe easy for the first time.

I never got much out of this life,
Never saw myself in someone's eyes until this day.
Never had the things I really wanted,
Never had the things that people flaunted
Until this day with you.

I cant explain just how changed how I see myself now, its amazing.
I never want this feeling to leave me. Please don't ever leave me.

I never got much out of this life,
Never saw myself in someone's eyes until this day.
Never had the things I really wanted,
Never had the things that people flaunted
Until this day with you

I never saw this coming on And now that its here i wont let go
this could save me

I never got much out of this life,
Never saw myself in someone's eyes until this day.
Never had the things I really wanted,
Never had the things that people flaunted
Until this day with you
I know this is the best thing for me, the best thing for me.

a statement expressed thru words

"why did u do it?".... Question that was asked to me by different persons... But i gave them one answer.... "Its a statement expressed not thru words"...

Why i did it?? hmmm simply because of one reason... To show others that i really changed... That i already learned to love and not to fool around with women... Why that way? I know it is a stupid thing to do, but i think it is a way for me to express myself the way people will believe in what i want to say. Most people don't believe on what the mouth expresses... In my case... they wouldn't believe me if i tell them "i love her", because people have an impression of me of being a playboy... even "her" will not believe in me if i tell her those words... I think that what i did will show the world my sincerity with the name written beneath my skin... that i'm not fooling around with her... many are telling me that i dnt need to do that stuff.. but for me i need to... coz this is a way to make a statement to the world and to the one i love that are not expressed thru words, coz words lie sometimes...

mybe you're curious about what i'm talkin about... hmmm just approach me when you see me in the corridors and ask me bout this stuff.. i won't hesitate to show you that... that stuff that others call an "emo" stuff... for me, its not an emo thing.... its a statement expressed thru my skin and veins, not thru my liar mouth...


-insekta-

first hug

when i was watching tv yesterday, i see this girl who shared her story to the public television about what she really feels about her family on how they treat them before.. This girl, as what she said, is a really outgoing... likes to hang out with her friends till late night and not that good in school in her younger years... Her family treated her with...ill say this.. "disrespect" (as what i saw as she tells her story), telling words that are not pleasing to hear by the ear of a youngster... In the end, her mom told her how much they loved they daughter that's why they react that way to her before... The tears from the lady fell down, and according to her, that was her first time to hear the words "i love you" from her mother... After that they hug each other tightly, feeling that was also the first hug the lady got from her mother.

after seeing that scene... i remembered one event of my life that is kinda related on it... It was my graduation day when one part of program is to approach your parents and send them our thankz and much love for the things they've done for me to reach that state of being a graduating student... To tell you guyz, im not that kind of guy that gives complement and express what i really feel about my parents and family... I nver hugged them and tell them words like "i love you ma", "i love you pa", "i love you mj", "thank you" and other stuffs like that... now going back.. as i approach my mom, tears suddenly fall and as she see me crying towards her, she gave me a massive hug... i cant stop myself crying at that time, feeling the arms of my mother hugging me tight, send her my thankz for all the things she've done for me... can't forget that moment that i got my first hug from my mom since my childhood days....

as im doing these entry, i cnt stop my tears fall frm my eyes, as i remember these moment happened in my life... a hug that is so meaningful for me as a son... a hug that made me realize that there's 3 people in the world that will not leave me as the people around me turned their backs on me... a hug that made me feel that someone there believes on what i can do, despite of all the things that ive done to made them feel that i'm a sore loser... and lastly, a hug that gave me a reason to go on and strive hard in life.


=payne06=

now i found you... i dnt want you to go

I was alone not long ago without a love to call my own
I was afraid and thought it wasn't meant for me
I didn't need anybody else that was what I would tell myself
And I believed that that was how it would be

I used to think that I was fine, oh, that I was doin' okay
I didn't know that I was blind I just went on along my way
I didn't know what I was missing till I felt your tender lips
Kissing my fears away
I'm so glad you're here to stay

Chorus:
I never had somebody I could lean on
I never had a shoulder I could cry on till I found you baby
Till I found you...
And I never had somebody I would think about
I never had someone I couldn't do without till I found you baby
Till I found you...

I had been badly hurt before
Ever since then I would ignore a chance for love-
I thought it was a lie
I learned to rely upon myself and
I thought I was doing well until you came up with something
I just cant deny

I used to think that I was fine
Oh that I was doing alright
I would go on and do my thing
Everyday and every night
I didnt know what I was missing till I felt your
Tender love fillin me up inside
I love you with all my might

Chorus:
I never had somebody I could lean on
I never had a shoulder I could cry on till I found you baby
Till I found you...
And I never had somebody I would think about
I never had someone I couldn't do without till I found you baby
Till I found you...

And I never knew how goo a love could feel..
Till I found you
And I never thought that a love could be so real...
Till I found you..

traces of my pain...

I don't want to think about it... but it keeps on bothering me... since the last time that was happened... i keep myself busy working on things so that i can get rid of these negativities... but still in the end of the day, inside my four corners... it still bothers me... i just hide the pain that i'm feeling last night behind my smiles... so this will not be a reason for us to quarrel... my friend told me i'm jealous... well in fact she's right... not on being selfish... but i hate seeing her doing those things... mostly if she did it "in front" of me, not considering what will i feel... to tell you honestly guyz... i wnt 2 cry this thing out but my tears won't fall from my naked eyes... i always think about her... on what she really feel on me... i can't open these things up to her when we're together because of my fear of that will cause another misunderstanding between the two of us... She will think that i'm thinking negatively again, and i know she was pissed off of that attitude of mine. i always keep on asking myself "what can i do to make her feel happy with me... to make her feel that i'm one hundred percent hers"... I miss those times that we're happy together sharing smiles everytime we're together... i know i've changed... as what she told me...i can't approach her unlike before.... i changed for one reason... i'm so afraid of losing her and see her in the arms of another... that's why i act that way... acting like a stupid guy staying in one corner quietly...
a stupid guy that can't live his life without her by his side...


=payne06=

save me

I'm the kind of guy who don't want to be busy with... In other words, isa akong taong tmad... as in ung mga simpleng bagay lng ndi q pa mgwa... Pero bakit ngaun prang gusto ko na na my laging gnagwa... Gus2 q mging bz ngaun... as in ung mraming gnagwa outside of my room... Kng pwd lng all of the time my gngwa aq keeping my mind and body working... d q alm bkit nging gnun ang shifting ng interest q... prang dti mas gus2 q lng mgnet d2 sa rum q... makpagchat... pro ngaun... aside frm doing that... i want to do things na nkakapagod... ung pgod ung isipan at ktawan q... nakakabolex 2ng entry na to... npaka nonsense nung laman for others... pro my mga bagay din naman na ayaw q na gwin... mga bagay na gngwa q bfore but people around me didn't like... ive been shitting around dis past days and acting weird, making my closest buddies disappointed with me... hmmm... maybe you're wondering what's the connection... its like this... i wnt 2 be busy with things so that i won't be shitting around again... para ndi q na maicp ung mga bagay na dapat ndi iniicp... so that i won't disappoint them when we're all together... pra msaya cla pag ksama nla aq.. at msaya din aq pag ksama q cla... oh well un lng nmn gus2 q sbhn... when boredom strikes... again.. crap... hehehe... i point out here... nonsense to kng tutuusin... but this is my way of expressing my thoughts... whew... geh un lng... :out:

=starfish=

kismet

My friend raised a question just this afternoon in a text message... He asked me how in the world that we've met each other in the group... It just popped up in my mind this thought... What element make the 10 members of the famillia bond together as a real family?... We have all different characters in life but still we're intact despite of these differences each member possesses... I remembered one line said by Sloan to Wesley in the movie "Wanted"... "Nobody wanted it... Fate Does..." . Maybe it was destiny who made this set up to gather up individuals with different attitudes and personalities in one group. It's everyone in famillia's fate to be in this group... Oh well that's what i've seen as i live each day of my life with them in my back... I point out here...

=+= starfish06 =+=

you mean everything to me

Moment of Truth - FM Static

Here we are, in the best years of our lives.
With no way of knowing,
When the wheel stop spinning cause we don't
Know where we're going
And here we are, on the best day of our lives.
And it's a go, lets make it last, so cheers you
All to that, 'cause this moment's never comin' back

I used to know her brother, but I never
Knew I loved her, 'till the day she laid her eyes on me.
Now I'm jumpin' up and down,
She's the only one around, and she means
Every little thing to me.

I've got your picture in my wallet, and your
Phone number to call it, and I miss you more,
Whenever I think about you,. I've got
Your mixed tape in my Walkman, been so
Long since we've been talkin' and in a few
More days, we'll both hook up, forever and ever

And here I am, on the west coast of
America and I've been tryin' to think for weeks of
All the ways to ask you, And now
I've brought you to the place, Where I've
Poured my heart out, a million times, for a million
Reasons, To offer it to you
I used to know her brother, but I never
Knew I loved her, 'till the day she laid her
Eyes on me. Now I'm jumpin' up and down,
She's the only one around, and she means
Every little thing to me

I've got your picture in my wallet, and your
Phone number to call it, and I miss you more,
Whenever I think about you,. I've got
Your mixed tape in my Walkman, been so
Long since we've been talkin' and in a few
More days, we'll both hook up, forever and ever

I used to know her brother, but I never
Knew I loved her, 'till the day she laid her
Eyes on me. Now I'm jumpin' up and down,
She's the only one around, and she means
Every little thing to me

I've got your picture in my wallet, and your
Phone number to call it, and I miss you more,
Whenever I think about you,. I've got
Your mixed tape in my Walkman, been so
Long since we've been talkin' and in a few
More days, we'll both hook up, forever and ever

ballpen and ID

it was a very busy day for me... even though its is tiring and perspiring because of warm climate here in my hometown, it is still a very good day for me... I've learned a lot of things this day... Thankz to my grandpa who enrolled me in a driving lessons that will start this coming thursday.. I'm so excited for this because i really want to learn how to drive already.. unlike before that i don't have interest in cars... now im slightly building my interest in it... oh yeah... so what we did this day, after i went to my highschool alma mater, after that fly that jumped on to my glass of naicha (bad3p!), me and my granpa went to BIR to process my TIN (Taxpayer Identification Number.. im not sure if this is correct... lol), that is one of the requirements in applying for a student permit, that is needed before i can start my driving lessons... During the processing of this, many things stuck in my head, as my grandpa told me stuffs that will help me grow... First, he told me that i must have my ID with me... "ALWAYS"... as in in closed quotes... Now that i'm growing old, i must have a valid identification so when situations came that authorities needed an identification, i can show them one... Another thing... always bring a pen... pen is not just a tool for writing, it can also used for self-defense (as what i'm doing when i went home late...) Grampz also told me not to just buy a cheap pen, but an expensive one... His explanation to that is that when you have a cheap pen, you'll not take good care of it and always say that you can replace that one. Hving expensive pens will let you keep that pen because of its value, and the quality it can give you while writing... Just popped up in my mind while im writing this... It can be a way which you can see the real state of living of a person thru the pen he/she is using...


I just realized this day... I'm already 19 years old but on what happened in BIR office makes me think that i must place myself in the next level of my existence... Maybe in a year or two, im already in the environment where i deal with big people, old ones, and colleagues as we enter the world where technology is in its fast pace.... Lyk my grandpa said while we're on the supermarket.. "Now is the right time to start to learn things, sooner or later, you'll have your own life and own family"... At one point i realized that my grandpa's right... I must start to learn things that i need in the future... No more games at that point... Live life to the fullest and have a life that is worth living for....


=+= starfish =+=

starfish

its been a long time since my last post here in my blogsite... i've been busy this past few weeks so i can't allot time to make an entry here... oh well after a long time of shortened sleeps because of projects and exams, the second semester of my third year as an IT student is over.. a semester full of memories to keep... not only in academic but also in my social life... Want 2 know what this semester has done for me? well here it goes... In this semester, i learned many things about what being an IT is all about... Being an IT professional doesn't always mean that u're a computer geek... a programming monster, or digital artz designer and other stuff... IT professional must possess 2 things... computer mastery and a lot of gutz and socialization factors... if one of them is missing in the scene, you will not survive the IT profession and end your career for just one click... There are more things in my academic life this semester that are absorbed by my brain, but maybe i'll share them one by one in my future blogs.... so that's my academic thoughts for this semester...

Social life... My social life at the start of the semester was boring.. I always sit down alone in the corridors in silang with my headspeakers in full blast, listening to music in my mp3 player... I lived my life that way every single day that passes by... Until one day, i met this group that at first i thought that will not be connected in my life... But look... i have this guys at my back in times of pain, sadness, laughters and enjoyment.. They're considered as my second family in my life, not just here in Baguio. They're the kind of person that even though we're in financial crisis, will still go out and enjoy the hell out of that night together... That's one that i love about them... Not knowing that behind the group, i'll meet someone that i wish to be my other half, the one that will walk with me to my journey of life. Her unique personality struck me the most and her attitude that i'll say that is not perfect, but is above average... After that day that we're together sharing the spirit of valentines day, i felt that little by little, i am falling in love with her... and as the time passes by, i keep on falling in love with her... and i love that feeling... the feeling of loving her... And now as i write this entry, i think of her... the one that i love... the one that i wish 2 be a part of my lifester's list of important persons in my life.... the one that i wish to be the "right one"...

oh well guys the semester's over... it will be a long long vacation to spend with our families and friends in our places.. I'm going to miss the experiences i had this semester.. the new learnings i have, the new faces i've seen, and the environment that i lived for one semester.. To my fellow batchmates, don't give up guyz, we can do this, even it is full of pains and sufferings during projects and exams, hope we guys go out of our alma mater together as IT graduates and use what we've learned in school as we move on to show the world what we've got... To my famillia... I'm going to miss you guyz... it will be a long time that we will not see each other... Hope there will be a part 2 of what we have guyz yesterday(weeeeeeeee riverview ulet)... Yngatz guyz.... And to you... U know who you are... You take care of yourself always huh... I really going to miss you... Enjoy the vacation with your family and friends huh.. starfish loves you.... that's true : smiles :... Oh well i point out here... i need to prepare myself for our defense... see yah guyz... :out:

=chubbystarpayne-ish=

afraid to lose you

they say, when ur in love with someone, you can do all stupid things that you can do. But it comes to my mind that it is true, but the question is, will these acts will make the one you love happy? i guess not. Stupid acts may lead on losing someone you love. The only remedy is change. But when will you change? if he/she's gone?

I do stupid stuffs because it is my only way to release all the negative vibrations life is giving me in my everyday living. But because of it, maybe i'm going to lose the one who let me smile in the times that i'm down.. When i'm under the influence of my freaking emotions, she's the only one who can make me smile. I'm always saying these words to her "Ang gling mu talaga magpangiti ng tao, napapangiti mu aq". But yet, i'm still doing these acts to relieve myself from pain. I realized this night that my image is not that suitable for her. I mean, my acts will not let her happy and enjoy my company. Darn, i wasn't able to make her smile, as i told my self before. I told myself that i'll make her happy and comfortable with me when we're together. I need to fix things up with my identity, hoping that this one will help to bring up my identity that will be loved by all, not like now that i'm hated by most people. My friend told me that i must control my emotions and not let it overcome me. That made me realize that my friend's ryt. Dapat wag aq magpapatalo sa emosyon... Kze it will not do good but instead may damage my relationship with my friends and to the one that i love. I know readers will not believe on what i'm going to say. I'll do my best to fix things up and move the way up with a new identity, an identity that will be loved by the people around me.

For you.. I know you're mad at me.. I'm having an idea about the reason.. I can't promise but i will do my best to change myself to save what we have started... I'm afraid to lose you.. I dnt want you to go away from me because of my attitude and stupid acts.. Uunti untiin q... Mhrap mbilis eh... Bka icpn mu nagpapaimpress lng aq sau... Oh well its been a night then... good night guyz...

=Payne=

first time

shades of purple in my dark world.

Well i will make something new this time in this blog. I will going to write the rest of the blog in my own language. They say it is more sincere if you express yourself in your own language, mostly if the topic is all about love. Oh well my introduction's getting longer. I'll start ahead. Here it goes:

Simpleng tao lng aq.. Un bang tipong nkatambay lng sa corridors ng building nmin minutes before ng klase q... nkaupo sa bench, pro kng minalas malas ka at mraming nkaupo, d maiwasang maupo sa lapag. Lagi qng kabonding ang mp3 player q at mkinig ng mga tugtuging para sa iba ay itinuturing nlang "ingay" na para sa akin ay musika. Ang tanging paraan ng mga musikerong ito ay idaan ang kanilang tunay na nararamdaman sa pamamagitan ng musika... May mga nagsasabing ako ay kabilang sa mga "Emo". Lagi kze aqng nkablack tpos yung buhok e nkaporkupine ung likod habng my bangs. Nakakatuwang isipin na sa katayuang kong ito ay my magtitiwala pa rin sa kakayahan qng magsayaw (dati sayaw hilig q, nalipat lng ng banda at rakrakan nitng college na aq). Nkasali aq sa grupo na kakatawan sa aming kolehiyo sa isang mhalagang event na gnaganap sa skul.. Ndi q naman namamalayan, ito na pla ang simula ng isang kwentong magbabago sa buhay q sa hinaharap.

nkikita q xa madalas sa lobby ng perfecto nun, kasali kze xa sa isa pang grupo ng college nmin pra sa ibang category. Simple lng xa.. pro wag ka.. may dating xa... boyish tingnan... akala q nga tibo eh... pro ndi nmn pla... Tpos mdalas pa xa pmupunta sa rum kng san kme nagpapraktis, kze kaibigan nya ang ilan sa grupo nmin. Sobrang ncucutan talaga aq sa knya. lam mu ung tipong pg sumasayaw kme sana mpunta na ung tugtog dun sa part na ung place q ung mlapt sa knya... pra mkita q xa ng malapitan (ang sama q ngai... my gf aq nung mga time na to). bsta un... d q maiwasan tlaga na mapatingin sa knya pag andun xa sa rum nmin. Dancefest na... Haiz kala q manonood xa... wla xa sa gym... ok skip na... d q na sasabihin na nagchampion kme... aun.. hehehehe.... After dancefest, dramafest nmn... nku e2 un tym na nagkalabuan kme ng gf q hanggang sa ma2loy sa break up... Sbrang nalulungkot aq nung mga tym na un... umiiyak sa kwarto, nagdadabog, nagpapaka emo, binibingi ang sarili sa mga 22guing msarap sa tenga q pro delubyo pra sa nakakarami. dumaan ang mga araw... napagicp icp q... kelangan q libangin sarili q... kelangan mgpakasaya... aun nkapagdecide aq na pmunta ng sm....mag qquan2m xempre... namis q kya un... oh well anyway. naglalakad na aq... nkita q grupo nla... hmmm ung kakilala q lng bnati q... xmpre shyness pa aq sa knla lalo sa knya kze ndi nmn kme mgkakakilala talaga. sa muka lng.. aun... tpos nun e2 na nsa quan2m aq... ngulat aq nandun dn cla... hla nkita nla hidden talent q... ang magpara para hahaha... aun... after ng sandamakmak na pawis na tumagaktak sa muka q at sa mga mantikang inilabas ng katawan q sa pamamagitan ng pawis, nag yaya ung kakilala q dun na mg videoke.. aun nagkabonding bonding kme, hanggang sa nakilala q 2ng mga kolokoy na 2... kme ay tinatawag na "famillia" ngaun. Aun sa unang litrato q sa grupo, my nalaman aq... ayon s knila, my crush daw xa skn... huwaw!!! c cutie my gus2 sa kn... wheeeeeee nkikilig nmn dw aq inside d lng hlata outside... knwaring deadma pro dip inside nagtatatalon ang mga nervez q... aun... tpos pauwi na... xet holding handz kme... ayaw q pa humiwalay sa aking mga new found friends pero kelangan (pakxhet ung pnabiling sundae nila ate angge and kuya aljo). Pag alis q, bitbit q ang mga alaala ng araw na iyon na nakilala ko xa. Sa mga sumunod na araw, aun normal bonding lng kme with them. Hanggang isang gbi, nagkabiruan na mgdte kme sa valentines. Hndi q alm na i2ng biro na 2 ay my maidudulot sa akin na kakaiba.

Valentines.. 4am p lng gcng na aq... aun ng GM sa famillia greeting them with happy heartz day.. nag GM din xa mga 7 na ata un... ng greet din ng happy valentines day... tpos sa gm nya meron part dun na cnasabi nya na thankz sa ngreet sa knya ng mdaling araw... lufet ng effort dw... akala nla aq un (actually akala q tlaga aq un...) aun... ang feeling nuh... nung tym na wla pa aqng gift sa knya... I keep on telling her d day before valentines na my mga "surprise" aq sa knya (d nmn xa nsurprise... d nmn kze tlaga surprise e.. mga bgay lng un na ggwin q na ndi q ssbhn s knya.)... Surprise #1... Plano q tlaga magpalonghair ulet... pro in this case inisantabi q muna... ngpagupit aq... hahah d ngay nila nahalata... amf... sket... huhuhu... aun... Surprise #2... Roses with serenade... gling lahat sa kin... kze kme ung ngseserenade dun sa valentine's booth ng college nmin... aun... knantahan q xa nun tpos bnigyan ng 3 red roses in front of the class.. Surprise #3... wla aqng maicp n ibgay na gift s knya... aun buti n lng nung nsa sm n kme, ngpnta cla ng dept. store sa hndi mlaman na kadahilanan.. aun niyaya q ung isang frend q na maghanap ng gift pra s knya... nkarating kme ng bearhugz, blue magic, toy kingdom... pro wla aqng mkitang mgnda na igift s knya... kya ang huling bagsak, bearhugz ulet... niemas kng san kme ngcmula mghanap dun din kme mkakabli... aun... i bought a purple stuff toy... wla aqng idea ng kulay na mgnda.. e nung tym na un aq ung my dla ng bag nya... kulay purple... aun... tpos buti my stock pa cla nung violet na bear (kze my bumili na nung nkadisplay dun.)... aun my gift din pla xa skn nun... hehehe white polo shirt... ang gnda pramiz... ndi aq ng whwhite tlaga pro special un s kn kya love q na ung shirt na un... aun... pgkatapos ng buong araw ng bonding and sharing the spirit of the valentines day, i realized something. It started as a game, but why i felt that i'm falling in love with her. Falling again for the 11th time, but this time, with nothing stopping me to express myself and what i feel.


kng mababasa mu man ito... i want 2 tell you this... i know mabilis ito... we've known each other for weeks now. as these days pass by, we didn't notice that we shared something special. What hve u gave me made me fall for you... Mabilisan nga ito pro e2 na eh... papanindigan q na nararamdaman q sau... mahal kta... i may not be the better guy for you, but i will give my best for you to feel comfortable with my company. i didn't expect that we will came this far in that short period of time that we know each other. Pero ganun pa man, msya aq. This is an experience of a lifetime that will be treasured by me. Another journal entry in my lifester's bloglist. Thankz for passing by lady in flipflops and violet id strap in my life. Hope you have enjoyed your stay...

=grewpaineclipse=

sidewalk

i was on my way home this evening when i saw this young girl selling cigarrettes and candies in the sidewalk near my school. I've seen this girl before in the same setting, but different day. We are walking in the same sidewalk with my friends and we bought some candies and my buddy bought a stick of cigarrette from this girl. It was late then, about 9pm, but this girl is still sitting beside her stocks of cigars and candies without any company. I asked the girl how old is she. She said she was 12 years old. I can't imagine that a 12 year old girl is engaged in that kind of thing even it was already late. I told her that she must not be sitting there and selling at that time but instead sitting at their home studying and spending her time with her family. As i walk along the sidewalk and saw her again in that place doing the same thing as before, it made me think of something. Why are her parents letting her stay there the whole night and sell instead of letting her stay at home. We all know that it is dangerous to stay too late outside, but this girl, putting the other half of her feet to the grave, is still outside the four corners of their house. Maybe i don't know the real story behind that scenario, but i feel pity for the girl and madness to her parents. This girl may have a lot of things to do as the time goes by. Explore and discover new things as she grow up. All of these may not be put into action because of these factors that stop her from living her live and fulfilling her dreams. May God guide this young girl as the people pass by and always keep her out of danger, and may He also enlighten her parents to end the agony of the girl and let her live a happy normal life...

=grewpaineclipse=

Higinia - Bless The Fall

If you could stay here for just a little bit a little while a little bit with me
You`re what makes me
And if God could keep you with me
I`d trade just about anything
You`re what makes me want to change things
I would die just to live and yet we all live to die
You`re what makes me want to change
You will not die
Take a step further back to where you belong
Take a look at your life what have you become
I never had the chance to explain myself
I never had the chance to apologize, but you will not die

=+= blessthefall =+=

awesome

unforgettable experience with the familia happened this evening when me, aaron (bitter), G-unit (emo/hiphop), karen, kuya BJ, and Max (dadoodz) watched the concert of Kenyo in the event center of SM (go Bulacan Pride).. Its been a long time since the last time i watched a concert of a band and this one will be definitely an unforgettable one. We enjoyed the good music of kenyo as they play their mellow songs and songs from the former Orange and Lemons (where most of the band members of kenyo are the former members of the band). They played my favorite song of them that is entitled "Heaven Knows (this Angel has Flown)" and as they played the song, the crowd sang with them till the end of the song. Two things struck me the most with this evening. The first one is when a retarded (sorry for the term) sang with kuya mcoy of kenyo with an english song, i forgot the title hehehehe. We are so amazed from what this guy did on the stage, singing the whole song while the crowd cheered on him. We didn't expect that he can sing that well because of his mental state. But imagine, even a person with mental disorder can do such things such as singing. The other one is this (better be prepared). In the middle part of the gig, kuya mcoy asked the crowd for 4 volunteers to participate in a game. I was pushed by my buddies to volunteer in that game that no one has an idea what the game is all about. Want to know what the game's all about? Here it is. We need to interpret in our own way the song that will be played by the band. Not that easy, coz we need to interpret in a "SEXY" manner. When it was already my turn, i don't have an idea on what to do. I just did an impromtu move based on the beat of the drums in the song, with some seducing move, with my fellow bulakenyo kuya mcoy singing the song. I just enjoyed that, hoping that i gave the crowd a simple smile on their faces at that moment.

Oh well that's what the night is all about. A night that is full of laughter, stories, and good thoughts that will be kept in my life's journal. I'll end up here. Back to work. :D

black turns red

yesterday is one of the days that every couple have time with their partners to share, bonding and make one feel the love of the other. Valentines day. For others, including me, called it "Single Awareness Day". It is my first Valentine's day without a partner. But its ok with me. Even though i don't have that "special" one yesterday, i have the familia celebrating the valentine's day with me. I have my "special persons" with me in this event that will be memorable to our heartz and minds. Happy valentine's day familia

=+= jhemz, bujie, aaron, ely, dadu max, mamu bang, azea, karen, mamita betz, droid =+=

doesn't matter

In this life, it is not important if you have all the luxury. Precious jewels, Signature clothes, latest gadgets, and millions of cash. What is more important is to have real friends, friends that will not leave you in the midst of your downfalls. These are the most important treasures a human being must keep. A treasure that has a higher value than any thing else in this world. All things in the world have their prices, but having true friends are priceless. How to have true friends? The answer is simple, be TRUE to yourself and show others the REAL you. How will you know if the people whom you treat as friends are considered as a true friend? Simple, they must accept you of what you are. Accept you in any perspective view. Will not leave you in your current state. To end this up, friends are treasured, not just collected. As the time goes by, their value don't depreciate, unlike luxuries that in a certain time will be out of the scene.

This was inspired of a movie i watched this morning when i went home after my networks exam. One part of the movie is that a teenage guy realized that it is not important if you have lots of money, influences, girls, cars and other luxuries. What is more important is his real friends, who accepted him as who he was...

familia... thankz for the bonding that we have this past days.... I really enjoyed your company... Hope to see in you my REAL Friends.... I've just started knowing you guyz.. It's still a long way to run... Hope to know u more... Love You Familia...

I'll always be the lucky one

Your Universe - Rico Blanco

Tell me something
When the rain falls on your face
How do you quickly replace
It with
A golden summer smile?

Tell me something
When i'm feelin' tired and afraid
How do you know just what to say
To make
Everything alright?

Chorus:
I don't think that you even realize
The joy you make me feel when i'm inside
Your universe
You hold me like i'm the one who's precious
I hate to break it to you but its just
The other way around
You can thank your stars all you want but
I'll always be the lucky one

Tell me something
When i'm 'bout to lose control
How do you patiently hold
My hand
And gently calm me down?

Tell me something
When you sing and when you laugh
Why do i always photograph
My heart
Flyin way above the clouds?

socialization level

my uncle told me before that we must involve ourselves in the outside world to build our own identity and self confidence. He also told me that these two characteristics will help you to succeed in life, not just having an outstanding intelligence quotient or high grades in school. Every person today must possess a balanced intelligence quotient and emotional quotient. People need to socialize to meet and learn how to deal with different . People also need to expand their capacity to learn and discover new things that will increase their knowledge. It is not a great factor if have only a high grades in school or having many friends. It must be the combination of two and it must be balanced.

** sorry i don't have a good topic for this night. I just remembered what happened this evening when i'm with the actors and actresses of CICS "again" hehehe. It is when me and my friend were buying food in a burger stand and I didn't noticed that my order was already done but another customer came in and got my order. I didn't react violently with a feeling of losing some socialization level at that time. I just told the seller in a low voice "ok lang po. Ung susunod n lng ung sa akin".... My mood really depends on the person who i'm talking to. If that person is a friend of mine, I easily share stories with them and crack some jokes to make them laugh. In the other hand, if the person who i'm talking is new to me, i don't easily talk 2 them about stuffs under the sun and i become a shy type of person. Oh well.. Hmm I don't know how to end this but maybe sharing this thought will help. Life is like a social networking site, full of connections with different people thru your friends. Use this connection to expand your friends list and make new friends and with them, you can share something interesting that will increase your knowledge and skills.

This image was my first picture with the group taken last night inside the KTV booth in SM. I'm supposed to post this one last night but i only got a copy of this this evening thru my friend. Oh well just a sharing.. :D

night with the actors

it was a great night for me. I thought that this will be an ordinary day like dis past days. It was unexpected that i met this group of people in our school and have myself new friends to hang out with. I'm talking about the CICS Dramafest Team (our college's actors and actresses... wheeeeeeee). The head or the "daddy" of the group is my friend and while i'm busy playing in a dance machine, he asked me if i want to join them in the KTV booth nearby the amusement park. At first, i refused to go with them because im thinking about the time, but when they asked me again, i decided to join them. Want to know why? Because of this text message from my housemate. This is what the message contains:

"Ok lng yan... Hehe, para nman mgaliw aliw ka paminsan minsan... hehehe"

That message became the bridge for me to know 7 individuals that will be added to my lifester's friends list. Slamat sa pagdaan sa buhay q... Hope u enjoy your stay... Welcome sa mundong gnagalawan ni Jhemz... Lesson learned... Enjoy life... Expand and make new friends... And lastly, Live with smiles not only in your face but also in your hearts and minds... @_@

=jhemz=
=grewpaineclipse=

Mount Third Year

Just got this thought from my data warehousing instructor this afternoon. He told the class, especially the 3rd years that are enrolled (the subject is an elective, so there are third years and fourth years currently enrolled) that "Third Year Second Semester is the Hardest part of college life of a student". He compared the third year of college like a mountain climbing activity. In the first semester, it was just a beginning of a long way up to the top of the mountain. In the second semester, you're already halfway. As you continue to climb up, the challenges that you'll be encountering become harder and harder, doubling the pain from the other half of the journey. You need to double your effort and prepare yourself for these challenges that will test your capabilities. The more you bleed when facing these tasks, the more chances of getting the highest price and reach the top of the mountain.

I'm just smiling after he said that but in deep inside of me, i realized that our instructor was right on what he said in class. We, junior students must exert much effort in all of our subjects in order to stay in the track, going all way up to success. Hardwork = Success not Hardwork = Failure. I'll move out after a long rest in the halfway of the trail. Climb all the way up to succeed and stand at the top of the "mt. third year IT".

forgotten identity

I remember someone from my high school days. He was a good dancer and a well-known by our batch because of his moves and how he rock the dance floor. He was also fun to be with. He had bunch of jokes to crack up with the group. He was also recognized as the only senior student that was a member of the Stepmasters (a dance group known in school) during our time. He has a heart of a dancer and dancing is his passion. Many girls in school admired him because of his moves and his looks, as said by many. I remember the time when we with our friends are together to hunt chicks around the place. He was the main man of the group, the one who will get to know the target and get her number. After graduation, things changed. He need to go to a far place to pursue his college career. He lost his interest in dancing at that time and chose to hold guitars instead. He became a rocker-dude and the worst, an emo kid. The guy with loose shirts and elephant pants transformed with a guy with tight jeans, black shirt, with porcupine hair and long bangs. As i walk along the corridors of our building, i always see the poster of our college's pop dance group, who recently claimed their 3rd consecutive championship in the SLU Dance Festival last January. It made me think of that person, from being a dancer and a rocker. Connected by one element -- Music. That person is me. Jhemz the Dancer and Jhemz the Rocker. Jhemz the Emo Kid? Not good.... Lol \m/,

an afternoon with a kid

I'm supposed to start creating this blog right after this story happened a week ago. Because of fully booked computer shops around the school and having no internet connectivity in our house, i wasn't able to make one. Now it is still stuck in my mind that day that coming out from nowhere, a little girl sat besides me and tell me stories and after that played with me for a short period of time. I was sitting infront of the eatery near the school when this little girl wearing her school uniform approached me and told me a story about dragons (sounds weird ryt?). After that she went inside their store and after a few minutes she came back with a small ball. She threw it to me and then i gave it back to her, until such time that we already playing in the middle of the people who are passing by. The time came that i really need to go to surf the net but the young girl don't want me to go and she wanted me to play with her. After that day, i always remember my childhood days. A little boy who loves to play and play and play all day long. Now, that little boy already grown up, with dreams and goals in life that he wanted to achieve. Sooner or later, that little girl i met and played with will grow up and move out with her dreams to be fulfilled as she goes by to this journey called "life".